Taking Children to Visit a Loved One With Dementia

Emily sat at the kitchen table, staring out the window as she sipped her morning coffee. Her kids were running around the house, causing a commotion, but she was lost in her own world, grappling with the looming decision of taking her children to visit their grandfather who was in the throes of dementia. 

The memories of her last visit haunted her – her father, lost in the labyrinth of his own mind, failed to recognize her and was quite irritable, leaving Emily emotionally shaken. As the prospect of another visit loomed, Emily felt a surge of anxiety, compounded by the fear that her kids might experience the same heartache.

Visits from family and friends are important for people with dementia too. Yet, uncertainty might deter visits, especially when children are involved. Regardless of how often you visit, a little preparation can enhance your time together. Here’s how to guide the young ones in your family.

Before You Go

Prepare kids with a simple conversation before the visit. Choose a neutral time, like breakfast, and explain dementia in an age-appropriate manner. For instance:

“This Saturday morning, we’re planning to visit Uncle Dave. Sometimes, as people grow older, their brains can become ill. This condition is called Alzheimer’s disease or dementia.

People with this disease might become confused or forget names. They might struggle with speaking, eating, and self-care. In Uncle Dave’s case, he might refer to me by his sister’s name. We won’t correct him to avoid upsetting him, but we know my real name.

Scientists are still figuring out why Alzheimer’s disease occurs, but they’re working hard to uncover its causes and prevent it.

It’s important to note that Alzheimer’s disease isn’t contagious like a cold or flu. Just because someone in the family has it doesn’t mean you’ll also develop it.

Even though Uncle Dave might have difficulty remembering certain things, we can still have a wonderful time with him. I’m bringing along some fun activities for us to enjoy during our visit.”

Choosing the Right Time

Learn the best time to visit; opt for when the person is most alert. Be mindful of visit duration, as each person with dementia is unique. Consult caregivers or others for guidance.

During the Visit

Engage in activities instead of just talking, especially with children. Bring treats, photos, scrapbooks, or games. For kids, pack small toys, books, or puzzles. Children’s play can also offer a chance for meaningful conversation.

Activities for the Visit

• Taking a walk
• Completing a puzzle
• Drawing or coloring
• Looking at photos
• Playing a board game
• Creating a scrapbook page
• Reading a favorite book
• Having a picnic outdoors
• Watching old TV shows together
• Listening to favorite songs

After Your Visit

Maintain communication after the visit. Address children’s questions honestly and simply, as they often pick up on more than we realize. Educate them about Alzheimer’s disease, emphasizing that it doesn’t mean everyone in the family will get it.

Normalize Feelings

Encourage children to express their feelings. Suggest journaling or drawing after visits. Assure them that their emotions are normal and you share those feelings too.

Embrace the Opportunity

Taking children to visit a loved one with dementia requires thoughtful preparation and communication. Setting the stage with a simple explanation, choosing the right time, and engaging in meaningful activities enhance the experience. After the visit, maintaining open communication, addressing questions honestly, and encouraging creative expressions help normalize children’s feelings. Through intentional efforts, these visits become opportunities for connection and understanding, fostering a supportive family environment amid the challenges of dementia.

Over breakfast, Emily gathered her children around the kitchen table. Determined to shield them from potential disappointment, Emily embarked on a delicate conversation, navigating the intricacies of dementia with a maternal touch. She explained the challenges Grandpa Dave faced and stressed the importance of love, patience, and understanding during their upcoming visit.

Armed with newfound knowledge, the family embarked on their journey to spend a day with Grandpa Dave. Engaging in activities rather than just talking, they brought treats, photos, and games to share, creating an atmosphere of joy and connection. 

As the day unfolded, the children’s initial uncertainty transformed into laughter and shared moments. The once-daunting visit had become a beautiful chapter in the family’s story, reinforcing the power of love, patience, and preparation when navigating the challenges of dementia with compassion.