The Grouchy Ones

I brought him the wrong number of scoops of ice cream.
“I said three, not four! Take this back – it will just have to go to waste now!”

‘You’ve got to be kidding’, I fumed in my mind all the way back to the kitchen.
My blood pressure went up. My face felt hot.

Has this kind of thing ever happened to you?

You are doing your best to take care of someone, to attend to all their needs, to be caring and kind – and they respond with unreasonable grumpiness.

How can we handle these situations?
Here are some tips:

1. Be Kind: Don’t respond to grumpiness with grumpiness.  It never helps to give back what they are dishing out.  And their behavior almost always has a good reason behind it – that has nothing to do with you.
   
2. Listen: Sometimes, a grumpy person just needs someone to talk to – to share the burdens that are making them sad or angry. Try asking what else is bothering them.  Are they in pain?  Are they tired and need to lie down?  Would they like something to eat (hangry)? 
   
3. Smile:  Due to the interconnected network of brain cells known as the ‘mirror neuron system’, we tend to mimic the facial expressions of others. If you smile, their brain will see your smiling muscles and they will mirror you. It is purely unconscious but it works. (theboxofhappiness.com)
   
4. Walk: It takes two to argue and engaging in it will only deplete your energy – energy that you could use for more important stuff. Give them some space. It might not solve the problem right away but it will give you both a break from the intensity of the situation – and give them a chance to consider their actions and adjust their attitude.
   
   For example: The next time I was met with grouchy words from this patient, I responded with, ‘You know what?  I can tell you are having a difficult moment and so I’m going to step away now and give you some time.  I’ll be nearby if you need something but I’m walking away now.’  In ten minutes when I returned to his room, it was like the whole thing had never happened.  He knew he couldn’t rattle me and draw me into his drama.
   
5. Talk:  After a grouchy encounter, share what happened with a trusted friend or write in your journal after work, to ‘get it out’.  Note how the situation made you feel.  Thoughts like, ‘He is a mean old grouch who just likes to hurt people’, appear.
   

But take a minute to question; is that really true? 
What else could be ‘behind’ his behavior?

Maybe that he is failing.
Forgetting a little more each day.
Losing his independence or dealing with chronic pain. 
Hurting people, hurt people.

Most of the time you can find a really good reason why that person is grouchy.

It doesn’t excuse it and it doesn’t mean you have to subject yourself to abusive ranting. – but knowing the ‘why’ helps to diffuse your anger and soften your heart a bit.

And it feels good to be the bigger person – instead of expending all your energy and allowing yourself to ‘catch’ the negativity,  you can meet the grouchy ones with a little understanding.