Dealing with Grief Around the Holidays: A Family’s Path to Healing

The holidays amplify everything we feel about loss. While others celebrate, families missing someone face constant reminders of absence. The traditions you shared. The foods they loved. The spot where they always sat.

Qualicare RN Linda Larson sees this struggle every year with families she supports. “The holidays can be tough when someone you love is missing. The empty chair at dinner, the palpable feeling of their absence — it can weigh heavy.”

Many families respond to this pain by avoiding it entirely. They skip celebrations, change traditions, or pretend everything is normal while carefully steering around any mention of the person they’ve lost. But avoidance often intensifies the ache rather than easing it.

One Family’s Different Approach

Linda worked with a daughter named Jenny whose first holiday season without her mother felt unbearable to contemplate. Rather than dreading the day or trying to ignore her grief, Jenny made a brave choice.

“Jenny, a daughter I worked with, decided she didn’t want another holiday to feel that way. So instead of avoiding it, she leaned into it. She set a place at the table for her mom — decorated her place with pictures of their times together, some of her favorite jewelry, a crossword book she was working on and a mystery novel by an author she loved.”

The decision felt risky. Would it make everyone sad? Would it be too painful? Would setting that place feel like reopening a wound?

“What happened? Instead of sadness, it sparked laughter and so many stories. The family remembered good times together and felt her presence with them instead of the awkwardness of trying to avoid talking about her, for fear it would upset someone.”

By creating a tangible way to honor her mother’s memory, Jenny gave her family permission to remember openly. The pictures prompted stories. The crossword book reminded them of her sharp mind and daily rituals. The mystery novel sparked memories of recommendations she’d given and debates about plot twists. Her favorite jewelry caught the light and brought her personality into the room.

Why Acknowledgment Helps

Grief doesn’t disappear because we ignore it. It sits in the room anyway, making everyone careful with their words and hesitant with their memories. When families avoid mentioning the person they’ve lost, they often feel isolated in their sadness, each person carrying the weight alone.

Creating space to acknowledge loss transforms that dynamic. It signals that remembering is welcome, that tears and laughter can coexist, that the person’s absence can be named without falling apart.

For families caring for aging loved ones, understanding how to navigate grief matters deeply. Whether supporting someone through hospice and palliative care or helping families adjust after loss, these conversations about remembrance and healing are part of compassionate care.

See Related: Helping a Loved One Avoid Loneliness During the Holidays

Ways to Honor Memory During Holidays

Jenny’s approach won’t work for every family, but the principle applies broadly: find ways to include rather than exclude your loved one from celebrations.

Some families light a candle at the beginning of the meal and share one memory each. Others cook the person’s signature dish, telling stories while they prepare it. Some create ornaments or decorations incorporating photos or meaningful symbols. Others make a donation in their loved one’s name or volunteer together for a cause they cared about.

The specific method matters less than the intention—creating space for grief while also making room for joy, connection, and gratitude.

Permission to Feel Everything

“Grief is real and it’s hard. But it can also bring us closer together, reminding us of the love we share, the memories that shape us, and the gratitude we feel for having had that person in our lives,” Linda reflects.

This perspective doesn’t minimize pain. The holidays will hurt when someone is missing. The first year especially brings a string of “firsts without them” that feel impossible to face.

But grief exists because love existed. The depth of loss reflects the depth of connection. Honoring that connection—rather than hiding from it—allows families to hold both the sadness and the gratitude simultaneously.

When families give themselves permission to feel everything, something shifts. Tears might flow, but so might laughter. Pain exists alongside warm memories. The absence feels real, but so does the love that remains.

Supporting Others in Their Grief

If you’re not the one grieving but want to support someone who is, the holiday season requires extra sensitivity. Avoid minimizing their loss with phrases like “they wouldn’t want you to be sad” or “at least you had them for so many years.” Don’t pressure them to “move on” or “be strong.”

Instead, say their loved one’s name. Ask about memories. Acknowledge that holidays must be difficult. Offer specific help rather than vague “let me know if you need anything.” Show up, listen, and make space for whatever emotions arise.

For those providing care to seniors during difficult times, emotional care matters as much as physical support. Recognizing grief, validating feelings, and helping families find ways to honor their loved ones are all part of compassionate caregiving.

Moving Forward Without Moving On

Healing from loss doesn’t mean forgetting or “getting over it.” It means learning to carry the loss while still engaging with life. It means finding ways to keep connection alive even as you adjust to physical absence.

Jenny’s choice to set a place for her mother created a new tradition for her family. Each holiday, they continue to honor her memory in intentional ways. The acute pain has softened over time, but the love and remembrance remain central to their celebrations.

This is what healthy grief can look like—not an absence of pain, but an integration of loss with ongoing life. Not forgetting, but learning to remember with more joy than sorrow. Not moving on, but moving forward while keeping love alive.

The holidays will always carry bittersweetness for families who’ve lost someone dear. But with intention, courage, and support, these gatherings can become opportunities for connection rather than just reminders of absence. By leaning into grief rather than avoiding it, families often find their way to a healing they didn’t know was possible.

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Supporting a loved one through difficult times or navigating grief as a family? Connect with Qualicare to learn how our compassionate care team can provide the emotional and practical support you need during life’s most challenging moments.